Good, bad and grateful.
Today, I had a very good moment. I went cross-country skiing with Lucas in the Engadina. All the mountains and trees were covered with snow like in a fairy tale. I was breathing in and out and I felt so good!
After the tour, we went to a spa to relax our muscles. While I was melting away in the hot steam room, my thoughts traveled back in time to Xmas 2012. Back then, I was also in the Engadina. But back then, I was in a very bad condition. I was also breathing in and out, but most of the time horizontally, lying in the bed or on the sofa. I was in the middle of my chemotherapy and my body was very weak. When I went to the hospital in Samedan I was unable to make the full chemo session because my immune system could not stand more intoxication. They gave me some injections to boost the reproduction of my white blood cells. (Actually, they gave me the pharmaceuticals and I had to inject them myself… everyday… like a junkie.) Yes it was bad, very bad.
And while thinking of this, I just realized where I am today. This week, I had my third control scan since I left the hospital, and all is clean. Yes, clean! Normally I immediately get very emotional about the result. But this time, it felt more like a firework explosion in slow motion. A very slow but steady increase of joy and happiness that climaxed today in a deep feeling of gratitude.
Yes, this is how I feel today when I remember the bad times. Grateful. Very, very grateful for all the good moments that I got to live through since the bad times are gone!