How I want to live

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Next week I have another control. A doctor will look into my eyes and either smile or show me a serious face. Next week my life will be changed. I will either be depressed, again, or jump into the air and hug the world. Next week one of the two things will happen.

But today is not next week. Today I am still free. Today I am here enjoying life. Today I can decide how I want to live. So today I signed up for the Engadina Ski Marathon. Yes a ski marathon. 42 km on cross country skis. Sounds like fun, no? I did not sign up because I have to prove anything to anybody. No. I signed up because it is something I wanted to do since a long time. Yes I know it is crazy, because maybe next week another long journey begins. Maybe I have to go again through very intense care and will be crashed for many weeks. Nobody knows. And that is the important point. Because nobody knows such thoughts are just a waste of time. Life is too short to not follow your dreams. Because one day you will be gone, anyhow.

Today I realised that I want to live until I die and not die as long as I am alive. And if I have to go through additional treatment it will be even more impressive when I cross the finish line of my first marathon.

Martin Inderbitzin