Tough life. Beautiful life.
Ok, I am honest. The last months were not easy. Actually I have to say that I probably went through the toughest moment of my life so far. Sometimes this may not come through in my blog. Because I play a trick on myself: I suggest that everything is going to be good. Which works – because doing that makes me feel good.
But this does not represent the full story. The full story is that I also have my downs. My fears. My tears. Of course. That is the most normal thing when you suddenly are confronted with death. But I try not focus on that. Not because I am naiv. I am not. Because I believe in the power of a positive mindset. Taking my neurobiological knowledge into account I am deeply convinced that this is not just a post-hippie spiritual hoax. The mind has more influence on our body that we are aware off. That is why I consciously practise positive visualisation. That is why I open the door to my heart and let in love & gratitude.
And there is plenty of it. In the past weeks I received so much love and caring feelings like never before. From you. From my family and even people I do not know. Thank you all so much, it really makes a difference! Love is such an incredible and often unexplainable source of empowerment. Love makes you feel safe and protected. Love feels good. Love heals.
Yes it does. Last week we made another control scan and I can happily announce that it was good. We do not observe any additional metastasis and the already known 2 tumours did not grow which is the best result I could get. When I heard the news a big weight was dropping of my shoulders and a profound feeling of gratitude entered my soul.
Yes, gratitude. A mind set that I was not paying much attention to 3 years ago now became a headline in my life. And the cool thing about gratitute is that its inflationary use does not decrease its reward. In contrary. The more often I am consciously grateful, the more beautiful moments I do experience. Try it out. Just say it to yourself when you do something banal, like walking the stairs (I had troubles the last three months to climb them). Normally we take it for granted that we not even think about it. Only when a stroke of fate suddenly puts such a normal capability at risk we realise that we should not take them for granted. Because they aren’t.
And that is the beauty about a tough life. It opens your eyes for all-daily life’s marvel. The beauty you were not able to see cause its self-evidence made you blind. The windy road I have to walk made me open my eyes and I am very grateful for that.